Slip and Fall...But No One Saw

The truth is that I'm not me at all.

I am not who you see,
I am who I want you to see.

on the other side,
I'm not who I wanted to be
I am who I don't want you to see.

I am
immensely sensitive
infinitely weak
extraordinarily odd.


I talk
(but I don't speak)
I show
(but I don't expose)
I tell
(but I don't express)

You hear
(but you don't listen)
You look
(but you don't see)
You learn
(but you don't understand)



I long for things that I say I don't want and
I say things I don't really mean.

I am proud to tell you what's on my mind but
you'll never know how I really feel.


call me a liar, call me a fraud, call me whatever you want but you have no idea who you're looking at.



altruism is a big word for me and
being selfish can be my next best act.

your smallest words can be buried in my laughter but
it stabs me hard in my back.

call me weak, call me pathetic, call me whatever you want but you have no idea who you're dealing with.



with the every nail that drove into my heart,
I don't die...not even a little.
(Not on the outside anyway.)

with every heartache, I grow stronger,
I cry less and I can depict the greatest apathy.
(Only on the outside anyway.)



When I say I care, I mean it.
Do I?
Perhaps...Perhaps not? who knows. I don't know.
Do you?

I can be your best friend, I can give you everything you need.
The one thing you won't get is me.

At the end of the day, I lie
down on my bed and think.
thinking about how well I did today in hide
and seek.
did you see the almighty Heroine?
did you see me?

Then I toss and turn and think some more.
I'm obsessing again
I'm upset again
I'm myself again.
I wonder... will I ever be able to show you?
will you ever see me?




who am I kidding.